transposable element

too bad i no longer got to read the comments from my last entry before we had to set off to denmark. after i wrote that entry, i still had my own things to pack. jan’s things first, as usual, because the size of my own luggage depends on how much space is left after everything else is squeezed into the car — a bike seat for jan, a stroller, a jumbo-box of diapers, a kite, a tent, jan’s beach toys, and a small crate of assorted supplies. good thing we had a combi/stationwagon, otherwise, there would have been space just enough to bring a bikini and a pair of undies!

it was a good welcome-back treat, though, to read all the well-wishes. thanks! we had a great time in denmark, although it could have been a few degrees higher; i think the water was never more than 20 degrees at its warmest! brrrr!!! jan had a great time, though, just playing on the beach. it’s amazing how he busied himself digging, drawing on the sand, collecting stones, throwing stones in the water. apart from just keeping an eye on him, he was pflegeleicht (easy to take care of). on rainy days, we’d either take jan for a short excursion to see some nearby cities, or wear him his raincoat and boots and stomp in puddles, or count slugs (ew!) in the garden. i think, as far as jan is concerned, the denmark holiday scores a 10!

will post pics at the end of the week. meanwhile, i’ve had 3 washloads and a couple more to do, and an apartment to clean! ugh, it’s back to reality!

in a few hours we’ll be off to denmark for a two-week escapade. our car is already packed like a mule, jan will be roused from sleep, and with a flask of coffee in tow, off into the night we go. it’s gonna be a long drive, so we opted to start just a little past midnight to get ahead of the throng of bakasyonistas on the autobahn. hopefully, jan sleeps through it all.

our mantra for this two-week respite: relax, relax, relax… as much as is possible with a toddler around, of course. it’s gonna be a get-away from the daily grind, but nothing fancy-schmancy. just a laid-back break among the dunes. hm, let’s see how far i get with clinton’s my life.

so vikings, get ready. the germans (and then some) are at it again!

see you at the end of the month!

(photo taken in sept 2003, puerto galera, philippines)

ibyang is my one my working-mom idols. she pampers her boys to the hilt, i sometimes fear she’s gonna spread herself too thin in the end. some people say it’s not possible to run a household and be a full-time employee as well, and excel in both. wrong! ibyang does most of the housework herself, including tutoring her two kids. her sons are well-behaved and smart, gaining entry into top schools and joining national-level competitions. professionally, i’ve always believed she has the right aptitude for scientific research, something i’ve always doubted i had. she has the natural curiosity and brilliant mental workings needed in such a job. ah basta, i have high respect for this person, professionally and personally. even in her decision making, bilib ako. but most of all, i am amazed with how she derives happiness from the most simple of things. and that makes her one of the people i NEED in my life. my inbox is full of old emails from her, which i read and re-read when i’m feeling queer. if i need wisdom and pragmatism, or solace when i’m feeling depressed, i know she’s just a click away. isn’t it great to have a friend like that?

ibyang gave birth to another bouncing baby boy about a month ago. it has been a difficult pregnancy and birth, but am so happy for her that the little bub is finally there. naturally, i was even more thrilled to find out she plans to make me godmother to her youngest! well, i advised her against it, saying the poor kid might just learn pure evil with me, hehe, but seems like a second knot will secure our being kumares.

lately, i’ve been of thinking that perhaps having children is a privilege. i know that there are people who could not have children, but that’s not what i’m referring to. if i’m allowed to put it brutally, i just think that for various reasons, there are people who simply SHOULD not be entitled to having children. but if there ever was a woman who has earned the privilege to be prolific, it’s ibyang. the way she’s raising those kids, she’s doing the society a whole lot of good. which kinda makes my role easy as godmother, eh?

the pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. is that why people resort to lies, even when there’s no reason to? one type of person i cannot understand is the chronic pathological liar. no, i don’t take the occassional white lie against people, and i know that people often do a bit of exaggeration to drive a point home. but i don’t get it why some people chronically lie, sometimes for flimsy or no apparent reason at all. how can i trust a person who i know for a fact is telling me fairy tales?

they say that trust is earned. well no, not with me. i think it’s a better way to start on a positive footing so i give my 100% trust on each person i meet. that trust-barometer, however, will drop with each transgression. and that could happen quite rapidly within the first minute of meeting depending on, say, the way your eyes dart, your hand movements, the length of your stubble, the hue of your lipstick, and so on. just eeny-weeny little nicks. then my intrinsic lie-detector switches on and each lie i see through drains your trust-account balance. when that barometer dips low, that’s when i back off. i sense danger and i start building walls, digging moats. and it’ll be hard, even for me, to build a bridge over that moat ever again.

see, i put so much premium to honesty that the amount of trust i put on a person is proportional to the extent i will let him into my life. so if you want to know how much i trust you, you’ll just have to ask yourself how much you know me: what’s in my heart and how my mind ticks. only few people are privy to that (ay, patay, thanks to this blog, more and more people are probably getting there).

it’s definitely not an infallible method, but it’s a coping mechanism i’ve naturally, sub-consciously developed over the years. i know it has loopholes, and it has given me a lot of disappointments and frustrations. i’ve trusted people i shouldn’t have and i’ve written off people i probably could have confided my innermost secrets to. but i’m just human and my sensors are not fool-proof. i’m just glad i have enough trustworthy people around me. kind of makes the untrustworthy ones easier to forgive and forget.

this is a sequel to the continuing saga of my root canal. nobody told me it’d take so many visits to the dental abu ghraib to have this single molar to be bored, filled and reconstructed. today was my fourth visit and i still have to go again on wednesday. arrrrgh! i don’t want to imagine how much this single tooth is costing now. the manhours of the dentist and the technician alone would already cost a small fortune. good thing the medical insurance is footing most of the bill. for sure, we’re already reaping far more benefits compared to the small monthly contributions we have been shelling out to the krankenkasse. hm, following a semi-contorted logic, that would be like saying that the german tax- and insurance-payers are paying for my tooth-repair! hah, now i feel smug. hehe.

see my kulit-bulilit in action. with him working in between his giggling and endless antics, i fail to see how he could turn up with anything of value. no more paper? no problem, there’s still the table, the floor, and hah! my arms, face, and clothes! mama has a lot of scrubbing, wiping and washing to do after each session, but what the heck, it’s fun! and sure, he “helps” in the cleaning up, which makes me complete the task in double, sometimes, triple the time! such a riot!

in case you’re wondering about his teeth, yes, they got chipped off last december as he fell forward from his bobby-car. good thing the teeth weren’t knocked off, but what a fright it has been (for me; he was back to playing 5 minutes later, bleeding gums and all!). ang likot kasi! when it became apparent that the teeth will stay, the dentist recommended that no repair procedures be done as they will have to be done under full narcosis. so there, askew they’ll stay.

i’ve always liked roses. well, perhaps not so much the flower itself, but the romanticism, imagery and poetry it evokes. the emotions a single long-stemmed red rose sets off. the frailness of a delicate white bud. even the drop of blood a thorn withdraws.

what i love best, though are these wild roses. they are no rivals to the flower-shop-varieties in the looks department, but the fragrance… mmm, heavenly! a soothing balm to frayed nerves and a treat to the senses. and during warm summer days such as today, it’s pure bliss to pass by a bush in full bloom. the warm rays of the sun extracts the essential oils and releases the scent in the air. whenever i pass by such a bush, it makes me want to stop right there and wallow in the fragrance. if i close my eyes, i can almost feel the stress and hectic ebbing away and a feeling of general well-being taking over me. truly aromatherapeutic!

here’s a wildrose cyber-bouquet for you, AnP. it’s been a lot the past days and you’ve been so admirably strong through it all. an eeny-weeny tug, though: stop, and smell the roses.

arrrgh! i opened my blog to find 92 (!) comments from spammers. bwiseeeet! do you know how long it takes to rid my blog of 92 f*cking comments that sell things i’m sure no reader of this blog is interested in? diet pills, diabetic pills, viagra, etc? which reader of mine would be interested in clicking on offers of incest sites, rape pictures, and brutal mastication (whatever that is!)?

kainis!