pinocchio-ism
the pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. is that why people resort to lies, even when there’s no reason to? one type of person i cannot understand is the chronic pathological liar. no, i don’t take the occassional white lie against people, and i know that people often do a bit of exaggeration to drive a point home. but i don’t get it why some people chronically lie, sometimes for flimsy or no apparent reason at all. how can i trust a person who i know for a fact is telling me fairy tales?
they say that trust is earned. well no, not with me. i think it’s a better way to start on a positive footing so i give my 100% trust on each person i meet. that trust-barometer, however, will drop with each transgression. and that could happen quite rapidly within the first minute of meeting depending on, say, the way your eyes dart, your hand movements, the length of your stubble, the hue of your lipstick, and so on. just eeny-weeny little nicks. then my intrinsic lie-detector switches on and each lie i see through drains your trust-account balance. when that barometer dips low, that’s when i back off. i sense danger and i start building walls, digging moats. and it’ll be hard, even for me, to build a bridge over that moat ever again.
see, i put so much premium to honesty that the amount of trust i put on a person is proportional to the extent i will let him into my life. so if you want to know how much i trust you, you’ll just have to ask yourself how much you know me: what’s in my heart and how my mind ticks. only few people are privy to that (ay, patay, thanks to this blog, more and more people are probably getting there).
it’s definitely not an infallible method, but it’s a coping mechanism i’ve naturally, sub-consciously developed over the years. i know it has loopholes, and it has given me a lot of disappointments and frustrations. i’ve trusted people i shouldn’t have and i’ve written off people i probably could have confided my innermost secrets to. but i’m just human and my sensors are not fool-proof. i’m just glad i have enough trustworthy people around me. kind of makes the untrustworthy ones easier to forgive and forget.
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22 Responses to “pinocchio-ism”
August 10th, 2004 at
True but sometimes don’t you think that these types of people DON’T really lie? I mean, if they tell you something different this month and tell you another next month…then, that’s not really lying for it is also dependent on the situation where they’re in di ba?
Giving 100% trust to the person (yet know how to realize your limits and that person’s fault/s slowly) is better than doubting that person right from the beginning…in that way, atleast you’re giving him/her a chance to get to know you and vise-versa.
August 10th, 2004 at
medyo di ko ata na-gets, justice. a lie is a lie is a lie. and c’mon, you know me. i’m not quick to judge a person (kaya nga ako madalas naloloko, eh). when i say a guy’s lying, trust me, i have proof.
August 10th, 2004 at
Medyo naka-relate ako. I trust people easily but I don’t let them know that.
I can sense ma-gut feel ka rin yata Ruth.
August 10th, 2004 at
haba i-explain yung view ko eh….lammo naman ako labo minsan mag-explain baka mas mamiss-interpret lalo pag inex-plain ko pa yung sa taas.
and hey! i trust your instincts and your advices.
August 10th, 2004 at
justice: i don’t get it either. why give pathological liars an excuse for lying? may it be big rotten lies or stupid little lies, a lie is a lie!
ruth, i agree with you. i feel offended if i am constantly lied to. parang minsan, ang sarap itanong “mukha ba akong tanga na hindi mo alam na alam ko ang totoo?!” I’d rather avoid pathological liars than pretend to listen while I try very hard not to roll my eyes and scream out.
August 10th, 2004 at
kaya nga di ko na gustong pahabain yung first comment ko since iba yung dating sa akin. the case i was trying to explain is different but would not want to explain further due to mis-interpretation/s on how i see it.
good day sa inyo!
August 10th, 2004 at
Ako pala yung anonymous commenter! Ano ba yan, natutuliro na ako.
August 10th, 2004 at
Hey Ruth,
I like your idea of a trust-barometer.
Pero lying is also a coping mechanism, ‘di ba? Some people lie in the hope of being accepted into a clique, for example. They lie to look good, to look favorable. (Ako, I’d rather be accepted as me as opposed to a “manufactured” me.)
There are also people who are frequent recepient of these lies. Isa ka siguro sa mga taong ito. She lies to you to gain your favor, admiration, o ano pa man yon na importante sa kanya. Maybe your opinion matters a lot to her, so she lies. I know a lie is a lie is a lie and is not a good way to look good, but hey, it happens. And it happens more to some people than others. Nagpapa-impress lang kay ruthie kaya lie to death! Hahaha!
August 10th, 2004 at
i know someone from HS(and she used to be a very very close friend of mine then) that i used to respect because she’s intelligent and she’s really nice. she used to tell stories na ang father nya sa smart telecoms nagwowork at laging out of town so wala yung tatay nya, bla bla. very ideal sya coz ako broken family(actually anak sa labas so..)tapos well to do pa sila. after namin mag graduate there were stories of her stealing money from her college friend, tapos naglayas daw, na rape etc etc. we found out na ampon pala sya and yung mom nya was never married, meaning she created this story lang, i was really upset na up to now di ko sya kinakausap. sabi sabi nila she’s sick or something and she went thru therapy pero di ko alam e. i really don’t know what to do parang i can’t let it pass eh. she saw me sa friendster few months ago pero ayoko na talaga. naawa naman ako pero ayoko ng ganun. she has to accept herself wala namng nakakahiya eh.
sorry ang haba nito. wala lang. share ko lang ultimate experience ko sa liars
tc!
August 10th, 2004 at
hey ruthie. you seem frustrated about someone. there seems to be alot of angst in your post but yes a lie is a lie is a lie. I hate being lied to even if it is a white lie so I won’t get hurt and all……..
August 11th, 2004 at
Hi! topic here is a bit on the hot and sizzling side ah! exciting…:)) I hope you guys won’t mind kung makisali ako sa discussion. He he. :))
schizophrenia ang sakit nung taong dini-describe ni peepai.
schizophrenia defined: a psychotic disorder characterized by loss of contact with the environment, by noticeable deterioration in the level of functioning in everyday life, and by disintegration of personality expressed as disorder of feeling, thought (as in hallucinations and delusions) and conduct.
moreover, meron pang tinatawag na paranoid schizophrenia which is S chracterized by persecutory or grandiose delusions or hallucinations.
Hindi naman ako psychologist pero palagay ko sa category ng paranoid schizophrenia nagpo-fall ang mga taong tinutukoy ni ruth na perennial liars. mahirap mamuhay sa kasinungalingan. kasi once you lie, you have to cover it up with another lie para di ka mabuko nung mga taong kausap mo…then it becomes a cycle…di ka na makaalis…it becomes a disease…an addiction you cannot live without…or have to put up with.
Seriously, if one has to live like that…nakakapagod yata yun. I would rather be true…unang-unang sarili mo ang una mong niloloko. Tapos eventually, saan ba pupunta kundi sa pagkabuking. Sabi nga: ang isda, nahuhuli sa sariling bibig.
I have no idea what happened why Ruth has to blog about such topic. But I agree with her: a lie is a lie is a lie!!! Galing mo, i also like the trust-barometer idea. Mahina din kasi ang built-in lie detector ko eh. Kaya din ako naloloko minsan…i trust people right away (gullible nga ako sometimes)…too late saka ko madi-discover na peke pala. :))
Anyway, sa lahat ng nagbabasa nito: I think most with agree with me: wala nang sasarap pa sa pagpapakatotoo. what you see is what you get.
So…’pakatotoo ka sister (or brother)!
August 11th, 2004 at
susme, ang hahaba ng comment ninyo!
justice: i know, mahirap isulat sometimes. di bale, live na lang.
karen: yes, ma-gut feel ako. pero it failed me several times na, kaya i don’t trust it anymore, hehe…
AnP: pathological being the keyword. am not talking about regular liars here.
shy mango/peepai: yes, it happens. susme, i myself have done my share of lying. show me one person who has never told a single lie in his life! pero those cases you and peepai cited, maiintindihan ko pa yon eh. they have a reason for lying. what i was referring to as pathological liars are those na parang wala namang mapapala if they tell those lies. like lying about what you had for lunch, or the movies you saw, or the age you learned to bike, or what time you went to bed last night. examples lang ‘to, ha? pero hello? what are those lies for? parang katulad yan peepai nung mga friendster-friends mo whose fave tv show is sex IN the city. what do they get out of making it up?
cg, medyo matagal nang brewing ito. but that’s what’s great about blogging, right? parang release valve ng pressure cooker. it allows steam to be let off… so the pressure can build up again, ngek!
glo, nahilo ako sa terms mo, sister! minor mo ba ang psych? trust a scientist to put it this way, hehe… don’t worry, nothing happened (aside from the usual). just letting some steam off. saka, wala na akong mai-blog, hehe…
August 11th, 2004 at
Yung “excusable lie” na I’ve wanting to explain eh yun ngang mga sinabi nina peepai and shy mango…plus yung iba na in order not to hurt someone’s feeling/s eh mag-la-lie na lang ng konti.
Gets mo what I want to say?
By the way, di kasi kita ma-contact…online ka this time for sure he he he
August 11th, 2004 at
sarap naman basahin post mo ruth, pati mga comments…
2 lang naman talaga tao sa mundo di ba? nanloloko at nagpapaloko?
sa ganang akin, tinaggap ko na lang yang fact na yan….ang magagawa ko lang ay protektahan sarili ko.
August 11th, 2004 at
well…
pretending yan. di makuntento sa buhay na meron sila. alam mo na, para maging “IN”. ewan ko ha, feeling ko kung kakaiba ka sa mga taong nakapaligid sa yo, kung di ka nila gets, problema nila yun! di mo kelangan isiksik ang sarili mo by telling lies! di naman masaya mabuhay sa kasinungalingan e.
August 11th, 2004 at
oh no, justice, they are not excusable para sa akin. i can understand the motive for lying, but that doesn’t justify it. ikaw ba, gusto mo magkaron ng friend na ganun? ano’ng klaseng friendship yon kung ang foundation ay puro pagkukunwari (ang lalim nyan, ha. mala-sharon cuneta movie, hehe). how would you know kung alin ang totoo at alin ang kasinungalingan?
thess, parang di na kayo nakakatuwa ni shy mango ah, hehe. aside from being a magnet to liars, you mean kaya ako naloloko ay dahil nagpapaloko ako? at ako pa ang may kasalanan ngayon?! parang nakaka-asar kayo, ah! hahaha
peepai, amen!
August 11th, 2004 at
Liars often have low self-esteem and don’t want to make themselves look bad or want to make themselves look better. Feel sorry for them but avoid them. We’ve got enough drama in our lives, and if its peaceful we don’t need the extra drama, especially if they’re as messed up as peepai’s ex-friend.
That sounds harsh but people with problems can really drain your energy. Reserve it for really really close friends and family members.
August 11th, 2004 at
well, i’ve met alot of people na ganon and there were times I simply turned my back and left them…meron naman na kapata-patawad so maybe it is how the person (like me) takes it. weird nga lang, but pag nauna kasi yung awa ko may talo ako sa decision making…but well, life is a learning process with its bumps and all and siguro in that part, medyo iba akong tumingin. ay hipsy! napaka-controbersiyal naman nitong post na ito…enjoyed reading the exchange…
August 11th, 2004 at
Ruth, hindi magkapareho ang gist ng post namin ni Thess. A lot of people lie to look good. They lie to you to look favorable to you. Don’t get upset with me. Please read my previous post again. Peace.
August 12th, 2004 at
shy mango, no, i was not upset at all. i was kidding you and thess. i got your point the first time. hirap talaga pag written lang, subject to misinterpretation. really, i was just trying to be funny. hope YOU were not offended. friends ulet?
August 12th, 2004 at
Oo naman, friends pa rin. Hindi ko kasi makita kung nakataas ba ang kilay mo o hindi.
August 15th, 2004 at
Hahaha, hala baka bp ang tumaas ha? hehehe huwag ha susme
eto na lang: nde baleng tayo na lokohin..may BALIK naman lahat yan eh di ba?