as i picked jan up yesterday from the kindergarten, i was greeted by the erzieherin, trimphantly saying that jan is nearly toilet-trained. he’s making both tasks on the potty trainer, and went on to complement us on making a good job of training him. eyes wide, i nodded and gave her a feeble smile.
later, i called hubby: we have to buy a potty trainer… fast!
the launch of pinoyexpats is moved to 03 october, sunday, due to unforeseen circumstances. it sounds so lame and so cliche, but hang on… malapit na!
am excited, make that thrilled, at the launch of pinoyexpats tomorrow and seeing my name at the byline. but terrified, as well (*big gulp*). i am not a professional writer. indeed, i have exactly one published article in my life– in a microbial ecology journal!– and i was not even the first author.
but more than that, i am thrilled at the prospect that finally, an online magazine for filipino expats in europe will exist. i wish there was something like this when i was a newcomer in europe. it would have certainly eased the adjustment, kept a bit of the homesickness at bay. on the other hand, i’m also glad to have been part of putting it up, of easing a bit of the birth pains off AnP.
tomorrow, we go live. my nerves are going haywire.
in between writing for pinoyexpats and editing a review article on the effect of tocotrienols on oxidative stress and brain apoptosis, i’ve found time to see back-to-back piolo starrers: milan and ’til there was you. to quote AnP, “bakya na kung bakya!”
i loved milan. it was a story i know a lot of pinoys here in europe can relate to, including me. pero, oy, i had valid papers, ha? i like the way it seemed like a documentary and a travelogue in one. i like the way it showcased the popular sights in italy, the way it provided a glimpse of europe. it was a good film, highly recommended to those who’d like a whiff of what’s it’s like over here.
’til there was you is another run-of-the-mill flick. nothing special but a nice feel-good one. judy ann has gone a long way from the soppy soaps, eh? this movie also seemed determined to showcase papa piolo’s torso to the hilt! reminds me of those statues on medieval/baroque (?) castles. now i can understand why even level-headed AnP is going ga-ga over this guy. this guy’s packed with a lot of ooomph!
pardon the short hiatus. i’ve got a lot to blog about and stories to tell. but i have the feeling my editor’s breathing down my neck na, hehehe…. got to finish an article and like a fledging actor on his first play, i think i’m having a stage fright! watch out for the launch of pinoyexpat, but be tender when you throw the tomatoes, ok?
as we celebrate jan’s birthday, hubby and i try to look back how the last two years have been. so many things have happened, yet it feels like it all went like a breeze. about a month after i gave birth, i wrote the story of jan’s birth at N@W. i don’t remember much of the details now, so it was probably a good idea that i wrote the whole story then. i guess it belongs here, too, in my blog, and what perfect time to post it than today?
(Subj: Jan Elias is there!)
Dear All,
finally, natapos ko rin writing the birth story of jan elias (may
interesado pa ba? hehehe…). i should probably add a pre-message for
the others na due to give birth pa lang. i hope this account wouldn’t
raise unnecessary anxiety. i thought of using a sub-heading but
couldn’t decide which one to use: When Events Don’t Go As Planned…
or Natural Unmedicated Birth, Not for Us… or Natural Birth Gone
Astray…well, you get the drift… I’m still a teeny-weeny bit
disappointed that we were not able to go through it unmedicated;
indeed, i probably had nearly every drug one might use during birth.
If not for one tiny glitch, we would have made it. And that’s what
makes me disappointed: i coped with the first stage of the labor
quite well, managing the pain with concentrated breathing… and
then, oh well, read on na lang, haba na ng intro ko, eh! i’ve
uploaded some pics from the first days, too. will post more later
cause he changed so much na since then…
so, happy reading (if you manage it til the end without sleeping,
hehehe)…
Sept 19, 1:45 a.m. I decided to call it a night after finishing
another chapter in the book I was reading. I went to visit the loo
first, and on my way back to the bedroom, passed by a mirror in the
corridor, looked at my tummy, and wondered when will the baby finally
come. Lying back in bed, I noticed slight cramps on my lower abdomen;
something similar to what one feels on the onset of premenstrual
cramps. But I shrugged it off: I probably just put off peeing for too
long.
2:00 a.m. Am I peeing in bed? Was it a leftover of the pee I just
had? Incontinence does plague a lot of pregnant women towards the
last weeks. I quietly woke up B and told him that it’s either
I’ve lost control of my bladder or something else is leaking. He was
immediately alert, and as I tried to turn on my side, more fluid
leaked out. I was certain my bag of waters broke. To confirm and also
in a attempt to salvage my bed from becoming completely soaked, I
stood up, but immediately lied down again as the amniotic fluid
gushed out. My voice was shaking and nearly in tears as I admitted to
B how terrified I was feeling. Yes, this was the moment we have
been waiting for so long now, the culmination of the 9-month
preparation to bring this baby to the world. But, suddenly, all the
uncertainties rushed in. What to do next? Will we manage? Are we
prepared? What will happen? B tried to reassure me, even though
I could tell he probably felt as much angst, if not more, than I did.
So we both steeled ourselves, and tried to gather our wits. Shall we
go? Or wait til the contractions set in (up to this point, I haven’t
had contractions yet)? What did they tell us during the birth prep
class? We decided to wait awhile. We knew that the head was engaged
anyway, so there’s no need to rush. We spent the next few minutes
lightly talking about what’s in store for us in the next few hours…
2:40 a.m. We were getting more anxious waiting so B decided
we’d better go to the hospital and let the midwives decide if we
should stay there or go back home and wait for regular contractions.
B took a shower, shaved and put on his best shirt; he said he
wanted to look nice when the baby first sees him. He put all the last
minute things in my hospital-bag (a suitcase, actually) and fetched
the car. When everything was ready, I dressed up and off we went.
3:20 a.m. We arrived at the hospital, registered and headed to the
maternity section. I was dripping the whole way through the hospital!
The midwife on duty checked the cervix, which was at the time did not
budge even a centimeter. She then strapped me to a CTG, provided me
with several layers of extra thick pads, and gave me some homeopathic
beads and told me to let it melt under my tongue. Together with a
couple of suppositories I got, they were supposed to help the cervix
open up faster. We were sent to our room and I was told to lie down
on my right side and be back for another check-up at around 7 a.m.
4 a.m. The contractions finally started and became regular, coming
every 8-10 minutes. The pain was still bearable, but mostly at my
back.
7 a.m. Cervix was open 4 cm. CTG is still ok. I was told I could walk
around if I like.
10 a.m. Contractions were getting stronger, and I had to pause from
walking every time it comes. Still bearable, though. Just had to
concentrate and breathe it through.
10:30 a.m. I was given a relaxing bath. Oh, that was fun! Muted
lights, relaxing music. Felt like a spa experience, if only there
were no contractions coming every 3 minutes!
11:30 a.m. I felt the warm water was not helping ease the pain
anymore. My back pain was really getting bad. I decided to get out of
the bath and try other positions to ease my back pain.
1:30 p.m. For the last hour, I felt every contraction pulling at my
lower back muscles. I didn’t recognize pain anywhere else. I tried
all positions to ease to no avail: on all fours, leaning forward on
the wall, on my knees and leaning on B’s lap, sitting on the
birth-stool, standing and leaning over the bed. Finally, my cervix
was 10 cm dilated! Midwife says baby should come soon now…
2:20 p.m. My back pains are torturing me, I’m beginning to dread the
coming of each contraction. My midwife was getting worried that the
baby hasn’t progressed down the birth canal.
2:40 p.m. Doctor and midwife decided to give me injections of
Buscopan on my back, to alleviate the pain (and there I thought,
okaaay, there goes my plan to have a medication-free childbirth).
Upon internal examination, midwife said that the baby’s head is bent
towards his right shoulder, instead of forward towards his chest and
is therefore somehow stuck. With each contraction, his head is being
pushed towards my spine, which explains the excruciating pain.
2:45 p.m. Doctor and midwife decided to give me IV drip containing
Buscopan (earlier injections on my back did not make a difference at
all) and something to stop the contractions. The idea was to let the
contractions ease up for a while, hoping that the baby’s head falls
into place when not being pushed by the contractions.
2:47 p.m. I had a reaction to the IV drip. I started retching, even
though nothing would come out. As my midwife assisted me, she noticed
my pulse rate going down. She checked my blood pressure: 60/40!! I
was so weak and started shaking. B said my face had the same
color of the bed sheets! Alarmed, she called 2 other doctors to
assist. IV drip was stopped. Bed was adjusted so that my head was
totally lowered and my legs were propped up in pillows. Midwife would
slap my face from time to time to keep me awake. This probably lasted
just 5 minutes or so, but enough to scare the hell out of B and
me! I would constantly look at the CTG and check my baby’s heartbeat,
which unbelievably remained stable at 140-150.
3:10 p.m. Two more doctors were called in. The chief doctor decided
to make another ultrasound to see how the baby is lying. He said that
it’s probably a boy, as boys always seem to hesitate leaving mommies.
All this time, I was really writhing in pain at my back and pleading
with the doctors, the saints or to whoever cares to listen, to do
something about it. I was still unwilling to ask for epidural,
though. But finally, the doctors and my midwife said it’s probably
best to have the epidural, also because the doctors were starting to
think it might end up in CS anyway.
3:30 p.m. The anesthesiologist came and prepped me up for the
catheter. He asked how tall I was (to determine the amount needed),
but my midwife said I needed more anyway because, in her words, the
pain she’s going through must be hellish! Before leaving, the
anesthesiologist gave an ultimatum: baby has to come out in 1 and ½
hours, for the anesthesia will only work for so long. Before he left,
he wished me luck and said he hoped we don’t have to see each other
again that day.
4:30 pm. Time is nearly up, and the contractions haven’t picked up
again yet. I was given an oxytocin drip, to start the contractions
again, but they had to put the IV on the other arm as the previous
drip on my left arm got clogged.
5:20 p.m. I told the midwife I have the feeling that I have to pass
stool. She said no, that’s finally the baby coming out. Since the
anesthesia is probably wearing off, I started to feel the
contractions again, but vague and milder, not real pain.
5:30 p.m. I started pushing upon the coaching of my midwife, lying on
my left side and right leg propped up on her shoulder. Back pains are
starting again.
5:35 p.m. Doctor came in to assist, pressing on my belly with each
contraction, while midwife guides the baby’s head. She told B
to tell me that the head is nearly out and it won’t take long now.
5:41 p.m. After several pushes, screams, tears and perineal cuts, the
baby’s head is finally out. I don’t know how it would have been
without the epidural but it was definitely not pain-free for me! I
felt everything, even the pricks of the needle as I got topical
anesthesia before the episiotomy.
5:42 p.m. Jan Elias is out, healthy, crying a bit and alert. From
B and me came more tears of happiness, relief, and triumph.
What an experience, and we did it! Our first endeavor as a family.
Jan was immediately put in my arms and covered with a towel. After I
delivered the placenta, we were left alone for about an hour, basking
in the feeling of being a 3-person family. During this time, Jan also
rooted for the breast and latched on perfectly.
B must have been as tired as I was, seeing all the while what I
was going through, but not being able to do anything tangible to
relieve me. But he has been so brave and encouraging, my pillar of
strength. He said that his first thought after the birth was of
immense relief that it was over for me. I’d say I felt relief most of
all, too. It has been long and exhausting, and I was just thankful
that we were blessed with such a healthy baby. It must have also been
exhausting for Jan, maneuvering into the world outside the womb, but
he had a strong heart and did it magnificently. For sure there will
be many more hurdles we’ll all have to deal with in the future, but
I’d say we’re off to a good start!
…and what a good start it has been indeed! it’s has been, so far, a two-year roller-coaster ride with a mischievous, smart (-aleck, hehe), happy child!
for the last two weeks, hubby has been driving a mercedes a190, a temporary replacement for our astra combi which needed a new door fitted. it’s a complicated story, but suffice it to say that it was just a minor accident and nobody was even in the car when it happened. nevertheless, off to the mechanic our car went, and insurance policies dictate that he gets a replacement, hence the chedeng. kewl.
it’s compact, with remote controlled side-mirrors and jan loves it because the seats are high and enables him to shout “cow!” and “traktor!” way before than either hubby or i can even spot it. and well, it’s a mercedes.
but it glugs gas (as opposed to our diesel), has cramped legroom and jan’s buggy doesn’t even fit in the trunk (or that space it has for a trunk).
but well, it has the oh-so-important 3-pointed star on its hood.
we were supposed to get back our combi today, but as hubby went to pick it up, he saw a long deep gash exactly on the newly-fitted door. someone must have messed up with it before the lacquer had completely set. so nope, no combi today.
instead we’re getting a brand new opel convertible as an ersatz! lest we enjoy it too much, the dealer already said that the combi will perhaps be ready this afternoon. so hubby’s gonna come home an hour earlier today so we can have a bit of a joyride! hm, gotta remember to don my head scarf. nope, you dork, not a burqa! think jackie o! think audrey hepburn in provence!
ha-ha.
no, i haven’t forgotten it. i just haven’t gotten round to uploading all the pics. the album is still (!) under construction so here’s a sneak preview…
liseleje, denmark
digging for a treasure
testing the waters
jan flies a kite at the kattegat kite festival
sunset at the beach
you can view the other pics, but note that i am not even halfway done. better give me a few more days to see the full extravaganza!
this blog has been sleeping the last few days while the owner spent most of her mornings at doctor’s waiting rooms. at least, both ears are again telebabad-fit, hahaha! got another check-up tomorrow, though; hopefully the last one.
***
friday saw the whole family at the pedia. it’s jan’s regular check-up and as with all important pedia appointment, hubby was with us. i prepared jan for the visit to the doc, but that did not prevent him from looking at the guy skeptically (suspiciously?). milestones reached were checked, weight and height measured, speech and motor skills tested.
doc’s assistant: “can he step jump, walk backwards, climb stairs assisted?”
parents: “yes.”
d a: “speaks two-word sentences?”
p: “even more.”
d a: ” helps with chores, plays with other kids?”
p: “yes.”
d a: “follows two-step instructions?”
p: “er…. well… yes.”
CAN and WILL are two different things.
***
do you realize how much manhours are wasted in doctors’ waiting rooms? you haggle for an appropriate appointment (no, i’m only free in the mornings; no, that’s too late…) and then you still spend about an hour waiting for your turn, anyway. i’ve had to go the the HNO every single day the last week and whenever i could (which was only twice, unfortunately), i tried to secure the first slot in the morning. that’s the only way you can be sure your bum wouldn’t be half-locked into your chair, leafing through the entire year’s issues of geo, country living, and cosmopolitan. well, if the doctor comes on time, that is. they could at least make the waiting rooms a bit more comfortable and less, um, clinical, can’t they?
ouch. again. this time it’s my right ear. i’ve just been to the HNO doctor (ENT) and was told i have an infection on the outer canal. after flushing my ear with water, he took a swab to identify the culprit. i’d bet the 10 euro fee i had to pay for this visit that it’s just a staphylococcal infection. i must have scratched a little bit too hard when i cleaned my ears with a cotton bud the other night. but sssh, i’ve been told time and again NOT to use these things, but heck, a corner of the towel just doesn’t do it for me. and well, staying on the phone for hours yesterday couldn’t have helped either, hehe… so here i am, wallowing in pain, feeling ridiculous with a plug of antibiotic stuck in my ear. hm, i’ve got to remember to answer the phone with my left ear…
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