how many women do you know has held their hubby’s ex’s child in her arms (and no, not in the act of strangulating the poor child)?

i have.

i met her the first time three years ago in berlin, during one of hubby’s school-barkada reunion. i remember being extremely anxious about the meeting. no, not a tinge of jealousy (cross my heart!); just anxious, and curious. except for some snippets, i hardly knew a thing about her. sure, hubby and i talked about our past relationships early on, but i’ve never really spent much time thinking about her or about them. she was a part of his past i had no part of. and with memory such as mine, i’ve got to choose what to retain in my head; irrelevant stuff like these get chucked out as soon as they’re processed. anyways…

it turned out it couldn’t have been more different that what you often see in movies: wife and ex going for each other’s throats, hurling accusations and smirking at each other. nah, none of that; not worth offering film rights for. the air was palpable, sure, but not with animosity. i felt half a dozen pairs of eyes watching intently for a clash that didn’t happen. but, or maybe because of that, it felt strange. had she been a bitch, i knew exactly what she’s gonna get from me. but how do you treat someone who smiles at you and goes out of her way to know you and chat you up, without so much as a whiff of malice or ill-will? how do you carry on when all the while you’re thinking, “OMG, she seems exactly like the perfect match to hubby!”. how can you help yourself from thinking, “shucks, hubby could’ve probably done better by her, instead of little old me (and that could be literally taken, too, yikes!).”

the next time we met, we celerated new year’s eve together, along with other friends of hubby’s from school. she was on her last trimester of pregnancy, and jan was then more than a year old. and just a few weeks ago, i was holding her 10 month old julian, instead of jan, as the mother of our host wished me a happy new year.

oh, we’re not friends. maybe given other circumstances, we could be. hubby aside, i think we have lots in common. but as it is, it just feels… unusually strange.

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