when present meet the past
how many women do you know has held their hubby’s ex’s child in her arms (and no, not in the act of strangulating the poor child)?
i have.
i met her the first time three years ago in berlin, during one of hubby’s school-barkada reunion. i remember being extremely anxious about the meeting. no, not a tinge of jealousy (cross my heart!); just anxious, and curious. except for some snippets, i hardly knew a thing about her. sure, hubby and i talked about our past relationships early on, but i’ve never really spent much time thinking about her or about them. she was a part of his past i had no part of. and with memory such as mine, i’ve got to choose what to retain in my head; irrelevant stuff like these get chucked out as soon as they’re processed. anyways…
it turned out it couldn’t have been more different that what you often see in movies: wife and ex going for each other’s throats, hurling accusations and smirking at each other. nah, none of that; not worth offering film rights for. the air was palpable, sure, but not with animosity. i felt half a dozen pairs of eyes watching intently for a clash that didn’t happen. but, or maybe because of that, it felt strange. had she been a bitch, i knew exactly what she’s gonna get from me. but how do you treat someone who smiles at you and goes out of her way to know you and chat you up, without so much as a whiff of malice or ill-will? how do you carry on when all the while you’re thinking, “OMG, she seems exactly like the perfect match to hubby!”. how can you help yourself from thinking, “shucks, hubby could’ve probably done better by her, instead of little old me (and that could be literally taken, too, yikes!).”
the next time we met, we celerated new year’s eve together, along with other friends of hubby’s from school. she was on her last trimester of pregnancy, and jan was then more than a year old. and just a few weeks ago, i was holding her 10 month old julian, instead of jan, as the mother of our host wished me a happy new year.
oh, we’re not friends. maybe given other circumstances, we could be. hubby aside, i think we have lots in common. but as it is, it just feels… unusually strange.
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26 Responses to “when present meet the past”
January 19th, 2005 at
Hmmm… a bit awkward, I have to agree but if the husband and the ex don’t have unresolved issues it becomes easier. Ayoko na magtanong, baka sablay na naman ako, hehehe!
January 19th, 2005 at
uh-oh. ano’ng tanong mo? game ako.
January 19th, 2005 at
Sa e-mail na lang, baka mapahiya pa ako, hahaha! Alam mo naman kapag blissfully single, daming akala na hindi tama. :))
January 19th, 2005 at
Hello there! Thanks for the visit and for taking out the time to write a comment.
Your post made me think if I can be nice to the other person (the ex) and to tell you honestly,I can’t. I’m the jealous type and I know it will break my heart just to see the ex and hubby in the same room,breathing the same air!
Btw, I enjoyed reading the articles in the PinoyExpats, more power and regards.
January 19th, 2005 at
Kewl! Same thing happened to hubby and I but the other way around. He met my ex and his wife when we vacationed in the Phils (ex and I were very good friends in college and still really good friends up to now). Comment nya? Mas cute daw kaming dalawa compared sa ex ko and his wife. LOL. Honestly, he doesn’t mind the friendship at all. Anyway, you acted very lady like, and you’re right, that is HIS past. And you need not feel that she could have been better suited for your hubby…YOU ARE THE ONE for him! (period no erase :D)
January 20th, 2005 at
heard this story before, (your first meeting) and knowing how the 2 of you chatted with a “no big thing feeling”…i actually thought, how I would be if the time comes. hmmn, will wonder until then hehe
now after reading this one, BOW ako. the past IS the past and YOU are the present and the future!!!
January 20th, 2005 at
for me, being single and all, my only hope is to find someone who doesn’t have an ex-wife in his past. but in reality these days, it is difficult. hence maybe why i’m still single! but that’s besides the point!
my honest comment would be - I WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. if i do find myself in that situation, i would hope then that i am emotionally mature like you, ruth, however awkward it might feel.
January 20th, 2005 at
Be thankful na rin kahit it seems strange. Mas mainam na yung civil ang relationship n’yo kesa naman nag-aaway kayo. I know a lady who has problems with her hubby’s ex and it’s NOT a pretty situation to be in. You’re very fortunate indeed.
Blogroll kita ha, do you mind?
January 20th, 2005 at
di ko kaya ang ganito pero kakayanin ko, the longest i have experienced was a 20 minutes cordial circumstances…syet ruth turuan mo ako, its either i go ded ma while cordial, while ang ex goes on showing off old antics, antiques ano ba spelling non?
January 20th, 2005 at
hi sachiko! my visit to your blog was long overdue; i’ve been missing out. you’ve got an interesting world out there! link kita, ha?
January 20th, 2005 at
rhada: actually, hubby met, or rather saw lang pala, my ex back when we were not yet married. aba, ang reaction: tumawa ba naman. sarap dagukan, hehe! thanks for rooting for me. well, wala na silang magagawa; akin na sya! bwahahaha!!!
January 20th, 2005 at
justice: you mean if the time comes na you meet hubby’s ex? er… are we talking abt the girl whose pics you ripped apart? hehehe… i think i can guess, hahaha!!!
January 20th, 2005 at
lady c, jing and hilda: i think it’s a lot easier to be civil, even friendly, if the other person treats you with respect and both parties have gone on with their lives and met other partners na. if, that first time we met, she was still unattached, it could have been a tad bit different.
hilda: sure thing abt the blogrolling! i checked your blog. you there for graduate studies?
January 20th, 2005 at
hahaha yung girl na yon, di naging gf yon—she liked A so much when we were still dating that she was literally acting bitchy with me infront of their colleagues at work. plus, she doesn’t respect my existence at all ‘coz she still invites A to parties (without inviting me ha take note) bastos talaga. so buti na lang di ako marunong mangkulam nyahaha since with that part wala akong hinayang na gawin.
i was referring to the 3 ex’s if ever. but our case is diff though, kasi A mismo has not maintained a group with any of them like B na kabarkada thing. and the ex you’re talking about is nice naman and walang grudges against you or B.
if the time comes and i meet one or all, i’ll gladly talk to her with no irks and all, provided she’d be nice too, like with your experience.
January 20th, 2005 at
you handled it well, ruth. i’m sure your hubby could only love and respect you more for that.
January 20th, 2005 at
Ah basta !wit ko typ ang makipag meet sa mga ex’es! lalo na sa’ single ‘ pa rin umm mahirap na!hehe
January 20th, 2005 at
I have, I have, I have!
During my “truce” with the hubs’ ex I was able to hold/carry her then 9-month old baby boy (this was last Sept04) — her son from her new husband and it was surreal I tell you!
It’s quite hard for me spending time with hubs’ children knowing that he spent a good 10-11 years of his life with her and thinking — how do I measure up as the new significant other in his life? Am I worth it????
January 21st, 2005 at
This is one of the most revealing things I’ve read in your post. I hope he is a part of her life: every daughter needs their father or a father figure. And how nice that there is no bitterness, no animosity. That is something the children can take comfort from.
January 21st, 2005 at
cheH, kunsabagay, i won’t go out of my way to meet the ex din siguro. kaso, andun na eh.
xtine, did you also feel that there is some kind of release, knowing that she’s moved on as well, the new son being proof and all?
January 21st, 2005 at
errr, pinayhekmi, parang magkaiba ang wavelength natin, hehe. did i give the impression that the father of the child is my hubby?!? if that was the case, sus, all-out war yan! hehe… but just in case you were not the only one misled, i edited my blog na.
January 21st, 2005 at
ruth, bow. *awe*
dami akong gustong sabihin pero parang napipe na ako. shouldn’t have read all the the other comments kasi. na distract na ako.
what it is you have with hubby’s is as good as it gets, diba.
about the email… wala akong natanggap from any of my emails. paki-resend?
January 22nd, 2005 at
whew! i could imagine the tension, not only between you and the ex…but among all of those people in the same room (who were probably expecting some action, that is..***lolz). but what you did was both admiring and rational. and yeah, it’s a good thing na hindi ka selosa…(or are you?)
p.s.
i’ll link you on my site, ok lang? *though my site is really not up and running yet….maybe next week*
kitakita tayo tomorrow…bye!
January 22nd, 2005 at
Hi Ruth! Thanks for visiting our kitchen
You truly are a very classy lady to have taken the situation so well. Not very many of us would have been as gracious. Of course, it helps a whole lot when the other person is also gracious.
January 23rd, 2005 at
hi ruthie — i don’t think the ex has entirely moved on given the circumstances/events in the last couple of weeks but hopefully she is on her way to FINALLY moving on considering she was the one who left Simon for another man diba?
January 24th, 2005 at
Hi Ruth,
I’m still working on my BS. I did some college in the PI (UPLB and UPM) but didn’t finish dahil nagpunta ako dito sa US. I worked for a few years before I decided to go back to school. I’m considering grad school but I’m not sure yet.
January 24th, 2005 at
hi JMom, thanks for the visit and the comment.
Des, was nice meeting you, finally! Saya, no?
CG (mas sanay akong tawagin kang xtine, hehe): hay naku, don’t waste time thinking abt it na lang. it’s her burden, not yours.
Hilda, uy, UPLB alumna din ako! ano’ng batch mo? pero feeling ko, am waaay older than you are, hehe, kaya malamang di na tayo nag-abot. good luck, girl!