parenting 101: child discipline
it’s sometimes disconcerting when people tell me to savour these years that my son is still so young. that this stage passes by so quickly it’s all over before one knows it. while some part of my brain accepts the logic, there’s something i don’t get: why is it so darn hard to do just that?
how am i supposed to enjoy battling over every single thing with jan? how am i supposed to derive joy from listening to his whining and tantrums? is it supposed to be cute when jan does exactly the opposite of what i say, or when he says “lass mich in ruh’ (leave me alone)” when i point out that he’s got his shoes the wrong way? how can someone tell me “that’s normal” when i complain that i have to ask jan 20 times to open his mouth so i can brush his teeth properly, considering we have been on this routine for the last one and a half years?!
they say that the baby’s first year is the most exhausting period. physically, perhaps. but those who coined it the “terrible two’s” must have had kids like jan. sometimes i am just so exhausted. i am just so darn tired of treading that thin line, of trying to let him know his boundaries without breaking his self-confidence and without him seeing me as the enemy. i hate it and berate myself doubly, each time i find myself yelling at him. i haven’t gotten to the point of hitting him, but i have to admit, there were instances i was so damn near it, i had to grind my teeth.
i don’t like losing my temper. i don’t like yelling at my own son. and please, i don’t want to reach that point of hurting him physically. but it’s so trying, it leaves my nerves raw. why does instilling discipline hurt ME so much? now i realize what my own parents meant with the ‘riddle’ they used to say: “mas nasasaktan ako pag pinapalo kita.”
no, i’m not asking for a meek and obedient child who’d only do as i bid (god forbid!), but do i always have to gather the dregs of my patience at the end of every single day?
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19 Responses to “parenting 101: child discipline”
January 25th, 2005 at
i hear you. kids are so testy, they push your buttons to see just how far they can get. was watching oprah yesterday, episode with the “supernanny”. been losing my patience lately as well so i decided to try out some of her tips. it seems to work. i actually was able to get my point across w/o resorting to yelling. and alexis seemed to understand, i could see her trying to be better. it’s a different story of course w/ steven. bata pa kasi eh. so relax ka lang, jan is still young, he doesn’t understand pa. it will get better in time though. goodluck!!!
January 25th, 2005 at
better jan giving you a hard time rather than have a meek child who will later on have a hard time because other kids could make his life hell. at diba nga sabi ni J, at least di bobo anak mo.
kaya mo yan!
January 25th, 2005 at
Suportahan kita, kahit man lang sa diwa…
kaya nga bilib ako sa mga mommies eh, pinaka MAHIRAP na trabaho sa planeta yan! Kaya mo yan mommy Ruth, basta hihinga ka lang lagi ng malalim na malalim sabay smile
(kaya nga hanggang aso lang ako, dahil kulang pasensya kows)
January 25th, 2005 at
guess what, ruth? mikka can be just as tough. he turned 2 yrs and 10 months a few days ago and is fast approaching his 3rd birthday. i picked up this tip from a belgian around 2 months ago. when i feel like really losing it with mikka (read: yelling and showing frustration and anger), that’s when i do the opposite — lowering my voice and speaking in a steely monotone. to outsiders, it sounds soft and controlled. but mikka knows i mean business. i get results from him, partly because, well, he’s probably scared as hell of me. he’s seen me in a fit when he has his whining and tantrums, but recently, when i drop my voice and look at him steadily, he knows something’s wrong and obeys. i don’t know if he knows why, but at least i don’t lay a hand on him, at least not anymore.
so to cut to the quick, YES, you will have to scratch the bottom of the barrel for the dregs of patience.
wapak!
January 25th, 2005 at
Uhmm…mine will just be the same I guess!hayan aanak anak kasi!:p
January 25th, 2005 at
i guess that’s why i’m not that into ‘having another baby’ yet. yes, jeffrey was one great example of those “terrible two year olds”. i’m just glad it’s over. though masasabi ko lang, no matter how hard it was during those times…i will never trade it for anything–kasi isa yun sa mga factors which made our bond stronger. don’t worry, once he gets to the age when he can really understand his limits…when you realize that all those battles helped bring out the good kid in jan…when you look back at times like now…you’ll just find yourself smiling kasi, you’ll know na you did a very good job. kaya lang…for now, suck it up and drive on ka muna. (hahahahaha)—peace!!!!
January 26th, 2005 at
Di ko alam sasabihin ko, wala kasi ako’ng anak. But when I see my sisters with their kids, all I can do is just stare in awe at the patience they exercise. Grabe, parang di ko kaya.
Di ko tuloy alam kung maiinggit ako o tama na saken yung makipaglaro sa anak ng may anak tapos soli ko sa nanay pag ayaw ko na… hehe.
January 26th, 2005 at
I’m sure its a trying time. Have you read any books at all from “experts”. There must be discipline techniques galore out there. The question is, will they work? Good luck, ruth!
January 26th, 2005 at
rhada, thanks for commiserating. i just hope i don’t have to wait 7 yrs (alexis is 7, no?) til i get to that point! uy, may german version na yang supernanny. it’s stirring a lot of controversy!
AnP: uy, madam, buhay ka na ulit! salamat. sana lang pwedeng i-uncouple yung intelligence sa pagkasutil, haaay….
thess, salamat. during the first year, parang pet rin lang naman ang bata. full adoration tapos sunod lang ng sunod sa yo… and then they seem to realize na tao nga pala sila, hehe… dun na nagsisimula ang kalbaryo ng mga nanay, hay!
January 26th, 2005 at
i tried that na, svelte. threatening voice, sus, tatawanan pa ako minsan. asaaaaaar!!! di nga pala nagkakalayo ng idad si mikka at si jan, no? i’m sure you know exactly what am talking about, svelte.
CheH, sige, abangan mo, hehe. and when your turn comes, ako naman ang magsasabing, “ganyan talaga. normal lang yan.” hehe…
Des, am looking forward to that stage jeff is in. sana nga terrible two’s lang ito. pag dating sa three, will they magically turn angelic? hehe…
January 26th, 2005 at
miss jet, actually, ako rin, minsan feeling ko, parang hindi ko kaya, hehe… kaso nandyan na eh, kailangang kayanin, haha!
pinayhekmi, i get regular newsletters from babycenter.com that are apt for my child’s age. it helps to a certain extent. but what may sound good in theory sometimes doesn’t work in practice… like everything else, i guess. oh well…
January 26th, 2005 at
actually, i think…whoever coined it the “terrible twos” must have been blessed with someone else to watch their child when he turned three. kasi, it’s really not just during the 2nd year…but usually lasts until after three. (sori, misis…hindi naman sa nananakot…totohanan lang po) don’t worry, it’ll come at the least time na ine-expect mo. and when it comes, believe it or not, you’ll miss those days like now. tiyaga tiyaga muna ikaw.
January 26th, 2005 at
i agree with des, it doesn’t STOP with the 2’s…they mutate!
seeing C1 and C2? naku! they lose the part of the “nerve eating age”, but they enter the next stage. C1 is now in puberty, which, every person who has passed it, would know IS “hormonally” terrible. C2, is in the gaya-gaya stage naman…susme! the things she says or the attitude/s she brings home sometimes from school is sooooo, aaargh! (i think grinding my teeth won’t be enough)
but you know what? we were also kids once and we know that they will grow-up and it’s better that they do pass such stage/s, which makes us stronger and better moms for passing it with them.
you’ve gone this far, without the palo part (ako kasi lammo naman, mabilis ang kamay hehe)–so kaya mo yan!
January 27th, 2005 at
so far, my nephew is just really malikot and makulit… but from what i’ve seen of other nieces and nephews, parang miracle baby na ang nephew ko kasi he’s not fussy (papansin minsan but not fussy), he doesn’t really throw tantrums, still plays when he’s sick 9wag lang super sick), easily soothed, etc…
unlike our neighbor’s kids… kawawa man sila pero matagal na namin silang sinumpa, ever since they were born ata… kasi ba naman, they’d cry for hours at night… ala child-abused cry w/c in other children would have resulted to horaseness and exhaustion.. pero sila nde… kaya kami, laging sira ang tulog….
minsan, swertihan din lang ang temperament ng bata…
January 27th, 2005 at
delish, come to think of it, jan also rarely throws tantrums naman and is rarely inconsolable. hindi rin actually talaga iyakin. but he has a stubborn streak and even this early, he really knows what he wants and stands by it. kaya ang hirap makipag-negotiate. pag di nya makuha gusto nya, that’s when he starts whining… or tuning me out. haaay….
i think if you ask our neighbors, they’d tell you they hear more of me yelling than of jan crying, hehe…
i just realized, i don’t have you in my links. can i?
January 27th, 2005 at
ruth, i can so relate with you. as per my sisters who became moms before me, i have a huge reservoir of patience when it comes to kids. with bebe S who is not yet two, this reservoir of patience runs dry at the end of the day. one thing i learned is that i need to go down to her level and understand her perception. at this age, everything is play for them. example na lang, brushing her teeth. once in awhile, she’ll refuse to open her mouth..so ang ginagawa ko, i give her another brush and say ‘brush my teeth and i’ll brush yours’. so ang labas lagi, she is having fun brushing my teeth habang ako naman, i’m brushing hers without any complaints and protestations from her. ang daming situations na she will really try my patience….unless na lang na super-stress ako sa work, i’m able to stretch my patience until the end of the day by not focusing on her ‘kakulitan’ but more on how to overcome it. kaya natin, ‘to, ruth!
January 28th, 2005 at
ako ay bow sa iyong tiyaga ruthie! at relate na relate ako sa kwento mo! grabe!
January 28th, 2005 at
hahaha
i have this niece, Bonita… she whines and whines and demands attention… and if you put your foot down, she’d be ignoring you like hell… as in she won’t give in, she won’t make lambing, nothing… super tigas talaga ulo…
tas i’d hear my friends or cousins saying that they’d prefer boys over girls anytime… because you always have to 2nd-guess with girls, and they seldom tell the truth… and they hold more grudges… boys are just usually a handful, but after they cry from a scolding/whuppin’ they’d be alright na… ahehe
February 1st, 2005 at
and you’re right, ruth. it hurts when you lay a hand on them. mikka’s been so testy lately, as in… hahaha, he’s been testing my authority and his father’s. we get into horribly big Rows because of that… makes me wonder if they do it on purpose… but when they’re asleep na… my god, they’re angels. then all that inis just seeps away.
hay, forever optimistic ba??? fight!