transposable element

i just paid 40 euro for a locksmith to open my door using a piece of wire. sheiße.

head on over to PINOYExpats for a sumptuous feast! it took us some time simmering the pot, but go and see what a mouth-watering collection we’ve brewed! the images are just awesome!

oh, and for tagalog readers, here’s some meryenda’t panghimagas for you!

*burp*

have you ever been bored but not for lack of something to do? heaven knows when the last time i saw the bottom of our laundry basket was, if i ever did. i’ve got a kid i’ve got to take care of and keep occupied half of the days. i’ve got online stuff i’ve commited to do on a regular basis. so it’s not a matter of not having anything to do. but there’s a yearning to do something… well, something else. i’ve considered the option of seriously looking for work, if only for the year or so that we plan to stay here. but to be honest, am not sure it’s the solution, and i’m afraid if i take on a job, it’ll be like what a friend recently said: “now that i have the job, and i’ve proven that i could get it, i don’t want it anymore.”

just yesterday, i saw an ad on the local newspaper that the university here will be offering for the first time a masteral course in agrobiotechnology. in english. and i started entertaining the idea of going back to school again. i’d probably get in, given that they’re still looking for students this late into the term break. and given my masters degree in microbiology and proficiency in english (damn, boasting aside, i can speak better english than some of the professors!) would make it a breeze. but another master’s degree? and two years? we’re planning to go elsewhere next year. arrrgh! don’t you hate it when some things won’t fit?

*sigh* but then maybe it’s just the weather. pictures such as these now start receding to distant memory:

fall. sometimes i feel it’s not just about the leaves.

i have to admit it wasn’t love at first sight. when i first saw you, i nearly didn’t want to accept you from the midwife handing you over to me, bloody and wiggly and rotund face all disfigured and discolored. now, three years hence, i look at you and i still wonder where you came from. i marvel at each and every milestone you reach, big and small. your first step, your first try with the scissors, your first argument. even from the start, you were headstrong and smart (and i didn’t say that just because i’m your mother). you knew what you wanted and worked your way to get it. you demanded “attachment parenting” and i was happy to oblige. and now that you’re three, you show and insist on your independence and self-reliance more than ever. but i secretly smile at the knowledge that, til now at least, you do need me more than you care to admit. because my son, there’s no other person in this world who knows you more than i do.

you’ve made me happy. (like any child his mother, i guess)
angry. (like any child his mother, i guess)
tired. (well, i’ll say ‘like any child his mother” again, but i’s getting redundant, eh? just let me tell you that i breastfed you for more than one a half years. that should explain the tiredness. a fraction of it, at least)
sad. (you’re growing up too fast!)
frustrated. (why won’t you ever hold my hand when crossing the street?!?)
hopeful. (that you’d turn alright despite having a mad mother like me)
scared. (that you might not)
paranoid. (my fear of flying got worse since i got you)
joyous. (from one day to the next you went to the loo to take a leak. hallelujah!)
excited. (to see what you’ll become)
suspicious. (it’s always a bad omen when you turn quiet)
worried. (your new carer at the kindergarten looks really exhausted)
content. (when i look at you while you lay sleeping, i begin to think i can’t be that bad at parenting).
curious. (sometimes, i just want to know how your mind works)
pensive. (do you love me, too? even when i sometimes scream at you like a banshee?)
proud. (how could i have made something like you?)

… and a myriad other emotions i can’t put a finger to. tonight i’ll read you a dr seuss book which you don’t particularly like, but captures some of the stuff i want to tell you:

congratulations! today is your day,
you’re off to great places, you’re off and away!
you have brains in your head.
you have feet in your shoes.
you can steer yourself any direction you choose….

happy 3rd birthday, jan!

hubby reads all my blogs, although one more often than the others.

“i haven’t read your taglish blog recently.”
which one?
“that pong-pang-bing-bang-bong one.”

okay. i don’t need a marketing expert to know that the title of this blog rates low in terms of product recall. imagine, to search his inbox, he uses “rong” to look for emails coming from me. *rolls eyes* so i’ve been doing a lot of thinking and have come up with one lame alternative:

a bug’s life. self-explanatory. more domestic, more familiar. more microbiological than entomological, unlike the current title, which to those who don’t understand filipino, translates to “field butterfly”.

if i don’t get a lightbulb-moment soon, i’ll probably just use that. whadyathink?

did you know that UK got permission to create embryos from two MOTHERS? and scientists have already been successful creating embyos from THREE genetic parents? read more about it in my biotech blog. i’m really interested to hear what the general public think about this.

incidentally, creative-weblogging invites creative reporters. now you can contribute to any of the blogs in CW, and get paid or it! Come and join me cover the latest news and trends in Biotechnology! Check this out for more info and this, for some more guidelines. Or go right away and sign up here.

Or, if you’re not that much into science/biotech, you may want to contribute to AnP’s travel and parenting weblogs.

sometimes (or often?) jan displays so much independence, it’s getting embarassing.

today was jan’s first day in kindergarten, and frankly, i don’t know why i ever made such a big hoopla about it. i was so nervous about the whole thing, it was almost anticlimactic to see jan eagerly explore the whole kindergarten not two minutes after we entered the door. i stayed there for about an hour with him, thinking i was doing him a favor, but he hardly threw me a glance that whole time. when they announced at 9:30 that breakfast was ready, he stormed to the bathroom with the others to wash his hands. i hurriedly asked him if i can go and pick him up before lunchtime. a distracted “ja, tschüss!” and off he went, leaving me confused at the foyer.

so i went home and spent the next couple of hours wondering how he was faring. when the clock struck 12, i headed back as agreed, imagining jan scared, confused and feeling abandoned.

jan sees me and what does he say?

du sollst wieder weg! you should go (away) again!

hubby assures me that it’s a positive sign. he’s enjoying it and adjusting well and we couldn’t hope for a better reaction. that it’s a sign of self-confidence and security. sure.

or maybe he’s simply bored and tired of me.

update: thursday, jan’s 3rd day at kiga.

one caretaker already complaining. they took a busy for a daytrip to the gym. “he never stays put! he doesn’t want to sit with the other kids! he runs around so much! he’s so fast! he goes where he’s not allowed to and climbs where only older kids are supposed to!”

uh-oh, someone’s in for a hard adjustment period, and it’s not gonna be jan.

there was the tsunami in december 2004. and just a few days ago, there was a massive flooding affecting germany, austria and switzerland. in most of these natural disasters, amidst the chaos, we see people helping themselves, helping each other. there’s a spirit of community… something that i don’t see in the post-katrina footages of new orleans on tv. i see images of people shouting “we want help!” and the anger in the people is palpable. in post-tsunami asia, there was no anger. grief, frustration, helplessness, hopelessness, yes. but no anger. and the people definitely did not demand help as if the world owed them.

in a society where there is shortage of food supply, yes, fighting for survival is imminent. but this is something that doesn’t kick within 24 hours after a natural disaster. and it is not manifested by looting jewelry and television sets. or raping a fellow survivor. in an interview today in bbc (sorry, didn’t catch the name of the professor from manchester) said that this is a wake-up call to america to reflect what kind of society it is building, seeing the core values the people are showing in face of such a tragedy.

hm, thought-provoking.

tomorrow is jan’s last day in the kinderkrippe; next week, he starts with the “real” kindergarten. i think jan has to realize yet what it means, but even for me, it’s a bit bittersweet, leaving the young ones behind and moving on to the next level. during our sarch for a kiga, i’ve seen how different, and much boisterous it is in the 3-6 bracket, compared to the 1-3 yr-olds. i’m already bracing myself for the attitudes, the bruises (physical and emotional), the language and the experience jan will acquie and bring home from being with the bigger ones. i start to sound as if jan’s going to college, but i guess, for a first-time parent, each step up the educational hierarchy must be somehow similar. it’s a big step for my little man, and i can’t help worrying about jan getting bullied, being one of the youngest ones in the group, and a half-asian at that. i’m just thankful that jan has so far developed into a self-confident (but not arrogant) personality, and can hold his own. he’s not backing down even when confronted by bigger kids, especially when he knows he is right, or has the right to something. i don’t know where he got it (i am myself such a coward to confrontations!), but i guess his double dose of the stubbornness-gene has something to do with it. for his age, he has a remarkably good flair for expressing himself verbally, and he uses it to the maximum to argue his opponents down.

of course, when the going gets tough, he can also resort to issuing a good smack. or a good run. or a good cry for help. just like mom.

photo taken march 2004