transposable element

as if this online journal is not enough to cover me, me, and myself, here’s me on blogging and again me on being pinoy… and yet again, me on fitness.

there’s a tagalog word that comes to mind: nakaka-umay. hehe.

i take pride in how i can neatly fold shirts, but my jaw was literally hanging after watching this:

can you beat that?!

i asked her, “how are you?”

“i’m fine. the kids are doing well in school. my eldest is now in high school and aced a spelling bee contest. my second one is now in preschool and loving it… ”

“so, how are you doing?”

“great! hubby’s just landed a great job and the perks are unbelievable. we’re thinking of scouting for a house soon. and oh yeah, hubby says he needs a holiday. we’ll probably go to micronesia, he’s been dreaming of diving there for ages! he’s thinking, if he gets a bonus this year, he would….”

for the third time, i asked, “and you, how are you, then?”

silence.

it’s sad to see how an enormously interesting once-vivacious woman had turned into a… virtual nobody. of course she exists, does her duties, keeps a day job, goes to events with her husband, brings the kids to school. but without her realizing it, her person has disappeared, replaced by the mother, the wife, the worker, the sister, etc, that she is. but is that all there is to her? where had her own dreams–that which isn’t her husband’s or kids’– gone? what happened to her own ideas and principles?

or maybe it’s just there. just hidden, waiting to be re-discovered.

we’ve been around the primary tourist traps in the area over the weekend, playing tour guide to a visiting friend from vienna. i didn’t imagine it would be fun, but no matter how many times i’ve seen heidelberg, it never fails to awe me. we also took the rhine cruise from ruedesheim to the loreley rock, which, acording to german folklore, tells a tale of maiden who sings and whose voice lures fishermen to destruction. folklores, history, castles, and fortresses: the rhine cruise is the quintessential must for tourists in central germany. on c’s last day, we spent a languid day at the hessenpark, took a few pictures of the roemerberg and the frankfurt skyline.. and whooops, the weekend is over!

it’s been a lot of fun playing tourist. even jan had a great time and was sad as we brought c to the airport. it was a hectic weekend, and we covered hundreds of kilometers on the autobahn, but jan enjoyed the excursions so much. hmmm… sometimes, it takes other people to make you realize the beauty that’s within your reach.

the ability to think logically is probably one of my strongest points. presented a new situation, i can, in most cases, think of logical steps to make, or take choices and decisions that make sense. and if you engage me in brain storming about a topic i know or feel stongly about, i can spurt loads of ideas and thoughts, you’d think i have been mulling about it for years instead of first having heard the idea five minutes before.

however, or maybe because of this trait, patience is not my strongest virtue. if i can come up with a logical plan of action in 10 minutes, then i’d like to see that plan in action as soon as possible, preferrably in the next 5 minutes. unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way.

sometimes, no matter how hard we wish for things to go forward, we have to wait. wait for things to pan out, wait for other people to make decisions, wait for events to develop, wait for things that are beyond our control. needless to say, it is so frustrating. i wish i could take all factors in my hand and have things happen according to my plan. my beautifully, logically laid-out plan.

i wish i can learn to accept waiting time as something character forming, instead of the utter waste of time i see it right now.

when do you say, enough is enough? maybe it isn’t. maybe, just one more try will do it. maybe, if you stay focused and persist, your efforts will finally be rewarded with success. but when does tenacity and perseverance become… well, simple stubbornness? how many times do you have to ram your head against the wall before you get convinced that no, the next wham won’t topple it down. nor the next, or the next. quit and wham yourself somewhere else.

they say that you are given not that which you want, but that which is right for you. but if you want something so much, will you recognize it when the signs indicate that it’s simply not for you? will you see the obstacles as signs to quit, or as challenges you need to overcome?

me: jaaan!!! are you coming or not? how many times do i have to call you before you come?! i already told you five times to go and put on your shoes!

jan: ich komme schon. du musst auch mal lernen ein bisschen geduldig sein.

this week is the first of jan’s three-week summer break from kindergarten. three (!) weeks! i planned to spend as much of these days outdoors, in the park or in the pool, but the temperatures outside have been less than friendly the last few days, thus limiting our outdoor activities. unfortunately, most of jan’s comrades from the kiga are on holiday, so no play-dates. we’ve painted, we’ve built paper mache’s, kites, and other paper projects. we made picture frames and tealight holders with home-made play doughs.

yesterday, we’ve printed a calendar to mark the days til it’s kindergarten time again. there’s more than two weeks to go and i’m running out of ideas! help!

by the end of this video, i was balling my eyes out. sob. waaah, i want to go home!!!

i am your ideal guest. if i went to your gig, i did because of you, to be with you, to talk with you. i couldn’t care less if there’s a layer of dust on your shelves, or if i have to tiptoe through your place because your kids’ toys are strewn all over the floor. i don’t give a whit if you’re serving buttered toast on paper plates or canapes-and-champagne on noritake dinnerware.

so i can’t understand why i am so exacting on myself when i host get-togethers. no matter how simple, i stress and sweat over it for days. i agonize over the menu, partly because there’s just about 5 dishes i know and i feel i have to come up with something cordon bleu for something as casual as a brunch or merienda. our flat gets a hasty once-over, which eventually turns into a great big make-over: no more sticky splotches of apple juice on the floor, the window panes become transparent again, and you can actually sit on the sofa without wading through a load of laundry first. at the last minute, i concede defeat and seek help from exactly the same people who’ll be my guests. cordon-bleu my foot. pot-luck’s more like it.

when everything’s over, the last fork wiped and stashed away and the left-overs (pinoy parties are never without left-overs) frozen for nuking on a rainy day, i slump on the now-clean sofa and rewind everything. i’m exhausted, but my mind’s hyper-active. i can still hear the laughter ringing in my living room, the buzz and hum of conversation, children’s shrieks and singing in the background.

it’s been so much fun, i start fooling myself into thinking i could and should do this more often. nuts!