woman
i asked her, “how are you?”
“i’m fine. the kids are doing well in school. my eldest is now in high school and aced a spelling bee contest. my second one is now in preschool and loving it… ”
“so, how are you doing?”
“great! hubby’s just landed a great job and the perks are unbelievable. we’re thinking of scouting for a house soon. and oh yeah, hubby says he needs a holiday. we’ll probably go to micronesia, he’s been dreaming of diving there for ages! he’s thinking, if he gets a bonus this year, he would….”
for the third time, i asked, “and you, how are you, then?”
silence.
it’s sad to see how an enormously interesting once-vivacious woman had turned into a… virtual nobody. of course she exists, does her duties, keeps a day job, goes to events with her husband, brings the kids to school. but without her realizing it, her person has disappeared, replaced by the mother, the wife, the worker, the sister, etc, that she is. but is that all there is to her? where had her own dreams–that which isn’t her husband’s or kids’– gone? what happened to her own ideas and principles?
or maybe it’s just there. just hidden, waiting to be re-discovered.
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9 Responses to “woman”
August 29th, 2006 at
Ahhh, complexities of women!Ask any successful ‘professionally’ single women,how are they? I’ll bet,they would tell us’ buti pa kayo may mga asawa at anak na!lol
August 29th, 2006 at
i hear you, and i agree that there’s really a tendency to forget that we are our own person once we take on the demands of family-building. however, i also believe that a woman should never allow herself and her dreams to get lost in the fray. there’s no reason for a woman not to remain vivacious, not to have fulfillment from her everyday chores, or not to have a life of her own. and although it may seem selfish, i believe it’s not wrong to want to remain a free-thinking and breathing individual - because, precisely, i am a woman first, a wife, mom, daughter and friend second.
August 30th, 2006 at
*kunwari ako itong si woman, kunwari lang ha*
i personally don’t see anything wrong kung kakalimutan ko muna ang pansarili kong pangarap kung ito ay ibubuhos ko naman sa katuparan ng mga pangarap ng aking mga minamahal, kasi ang kanilang kasiyahan ay akin na ring kasiyahan. ang kaganapan ng kanilang pangarap ay kaganapan na rin ng aking pangarap. hindi naman ito nangangahulugan na mawawala na ang aking indibiduwalidad, ideyalismo at prinsipyo, bagkus, ito pa nga ay maipapamana ko sa aking mga supling. malawig, ngunit minsan, sa buhay ng tao, lalo na sa ating mga ina at asawa, hindi na pansariling kapakanan ang importante.
kaya’t kung tatanungin mo ako ng “so, how are you then?”, nakangiti kong sasabihin sa yo na “really, aym payn, tenk yu”.
ngapala, san ka mag-aaya ng lakwatsa???
August 30th, 2006 at
cheH: i think single women are not exempt from such. single women *can* have as much on their hands as married ones.
meeyagirl: true. i fall into such a situation myself, of course, but i try to crawl out of it and always try to get a grip of who i am, independent of my other roles.
rhada: anak naman ng pating, ang lalim! but if understood you right, i can’t say i agree. iba yung “pansamantalang kakalimutan ang mga sariling pangarap” to having none at all. being a wife and a mother doesn’t (or shouldn’t) necessarily mean na wala ka nang sariling opinion, at manantili na lang sunud-sunuran na lang sa mga kagustuhan ng asawa, anak, at sa pinsan ng nanay ng kapatid ng kapitbahay mo (hehe)…
re:lakwatsa, dadalaw sana sa bagong panganak, na may dalang cinnabon, hehe… pero saka na at back to work ka na eh!
August 30th, 2006 at
*kunwari ulit ako yung other woman, este woman*
ay iba ang aking ibig sabihon pancit canton…hindi porke ako ay ulirang *ahem* ina at asawa ay nangangahulugan na ito na ako ay sunod-sunuran na lamang…may mga adhikain din ako, pero gaya ng nasabi ko, isasantabi ko ito “muna” kung kinakailangan, upang matugunan ang pangangailangan ng aking pamilya.
pero, maniniwala ka ba na may mga taong masaya at kuntento na sa back burner? at may mga taong ang kasiyahan ay ang makapagpasaya ng mga minamahal kahit ito ay isang personal na sakripisyo?
re: lakwatsa. sa bahay ba o sa hospital ang gusto mong dalaw? kelan ba sya lalabas sa ospital? what about next weekend? nasa bahay na tiyak si dyontis, este nanganak na pala. ano, game ka na ba???
August 30th, 2006 at
oist, sama ako sa lakwatsa! sensya na at masyadong bisi ako sa pagiging ina. hahaha kelan ba yan? ay, wag pala sa sabado. may party na aattendan c jeff eh.
August 30th, 2006 at
rhada: kunsabagay, tama ka. may mga back burner type nga. just not this one i was writing about. at least she didn’t use to be. pero kunsabagay, as long as masaya sya, faki ko nga va? hehe…
etong si des, nabubuhay pag nakakaamoy ng lakwatsa, haha! oy,a no na nangyari sa blog mo?
re: lakwatsa, ay sows di rin kami fwede this weekend eh… teka, lipat natin ang diskusyon sa email, hane?
August 31st, 2006 at
that’s true, even for singles or married women without kids yet. i find myself answering, “oh great! dennis is wonderful etc, etc… my work is fun, etc. etc. etc… still fixing our home, etc…”
thanks for this. i’ll try to be more conscious in answering such questions!
August 31st, 2006 at
since i got married, i found myself answering…”eto, ok naman. busy sa mga bata and bahay” too.—obviously because then, sila lang talaga ang attention ko. nasa lugar na utos mo, galaw mo. and add to that, i decided to put aside myself for awhile talaga—letting my life evolve around them until the next phase comes. luckily, our life now allows that bit of freedom from the routine i had before. though my family will forever be my main priority, now, i can say that i have more time to just be with myself. more time to relax and be on my own.
i have a couple of things/dreams i want to fulfill syempre if possible, but i dreamt about those when i was young and naive about life. having a free schedule and was more daring. pero now, that all changed. family, planning for a nice future, etc. were all factors to that. (for me, that is). if i continue living or thinking the way i did, that would be selfish of me. i am no longer living alone or for myself and that is a fact from the day i became a mother. so when asked that question, “i’m fine” would be an answer that has great meaning for me. and if in the future i am able to fulfill some, if not all my dreams (or maybe none), i’d still say i’m fine because i’d rather look at what i have accomplished than the ones i wasn’t able to. kanya-kanya lang talaga ng tingin.