i think i have never been so stressed since 2001, when i defended my masteral thesis and took the comprehensive exam all in a span of one week. each of the last few days sapped my strength to the last drop, such that by the time it was over, on the fourth day, my cortisol level was probably so low, my body threatened at getting sick.

three 1.5-hr lectures in a day. 24 students. all in four days, instead of four months.

the pay was amazing. i was given an hourly rate it would take a miminum wage earner in the philippines more than a week to make. i could already buy a ticket home with the money i’ve earned in four days.

but oh the stress! the mental and physical fatigue. it’s probably not that bad, but i guess i’m just not used to it anymore. and i’m not sure it’s something i’d like to get used to anyway. i know it’s not something i can do 5 days a week, 20 days a month, month after month after month.

i admire working mothers, but these last four days gave me a peek into their lives, and now i admire them all the more. a full day’s work (and in my case, i really worked every minute i got paid for; no internet surfing, exactly 15 minutes for coffee break, 45 minutes for lunch, and no chatting with colleagues as there were no colleagues to chat with) is already back-breaking, but the work doesn’t stop there. in the afternoons, i’d drop my stuff home, change into more comfy shoes, and go out again to pick up jan. playing with a cranky preschooler whose energy is also running low as he had to stay longer hours in the kindergarten is not exactly a dream, but it’s the only chance left for “quality” time (yeah right, quality my foot. by this time, my temper is also on its last straws). then there’s the laundry, and dinner. oh, but the dishes from last evening’s still have to be washed to clear up space on the kitchen counter. and then, of course, the flat needs some tidying, but that’ll have to wait til the weekend. eight o’clock chimes in, jan is washed, toothbrushed and put to bed, and when everything’s quietened, i draw my last reserves to put together materials for my next day’s work. i get a few hours sleep, and am thankful that hubby’s volunteered to take care of jan in the mornings and bring him to kiga. knackered, that’s what i am.

has it been worth it? i don’t know. i still ask myself.

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This entry was posted on Friday, September 15th, 2006 at and is filed under deutschland, i, me, and myself. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.