transposable element

we’re one day into the chinese new year, a year of the pig! how do the forecasts look for you? not that i treat them with more than a grain of salt, but just for fun, here’s what they say is in store for all of you who were, like me, born in the year of the rat:

The clever rat will do well to spend this year planning for the beginning of the next twelve year cycle. This cycle has been a bit difficult, but starting with the rat year in 2008, plans should start to succeed. This year of the Pig is a good time to be with friends and family who are celebrating the fullness of the year. Take care of old business and tie up loose ends that might get in the way of your coming good fortune. Enjoy vacations and hobbies this year. You will need to be well rested when your year begins.

seems like my task this year is to lay the groundwork for 2008 and beyond. sounds pretty good. except that hm, i’m not sure i’m a typical rat:

People born in the Year of the Rat are one of the most industrious and hardest working in the zodiac.

er, not really.

Forever busy in pursuit of an ambitous personal goal, at times they may become difficult to work with since they are born perfectionists. Rats must ensure that every “i” is dotted before completing an assigned task. As a result, they are often successful financially, and are good providers for their family and those they cherish most dearly.

ambitions? what’s that? perfectionist? no way. i’ve got too many things to worry about to aim for perfection. and financial success… bwahahaha!

Loyal and loving, Rat people inspire loyalty in others who are close to them. They are essentially honest individuals and loath to betray a confidence. However, their quick wit and restlessness can sometimes lead to chattiness, and they can often be relied upon at large social gatherings for a good story or a juicy bit of gossip.

that started out pretty good. but chatty? ugh. i hate small talk to death.

Their energy levels and expert organizational talents are such that it is a rare thing to see a Rat person sitting idly by with nothing to do.

oh yeah? watch me.

They may even sometimes be viewed as opportunists who cajole others into helping them accomplish a great ambition. In their careers, Rat people can find much success as business leaders or politicians.

politics? puh-lease!

How are the predictions like for you?

ok, that’s it. i’ve given my students their written exam. i just have to correct their papers, calculate grades, and, i’m done with them. unlike with the intensive course i handled in september, getting this particular class motivated and interested was like pulling teeth and it’s the last straw. i’m done with teaching. that’s it. end of the line, finito. in german schools, that is.

i used to love teaching, my first job back in the philippines. i’ve held jobs in the industry as well as in research, but i’ve always considered teaching to be the most fulfilling. imagine the impact you exert on all these young minds, full of potential and promise! i’ve had very meaningful relationships with some of my students, and to this day, still keep in touch with some of them. on one occasion, a student of mine saw me at a mall in some remote town in north luzon, and screamed, “ma’am ruuuuuth!!!” at the last moment we remembered we were teacher-student, and not friends and refrained from hugging each other. a few have also found me in friendster and send me notes every now and then. it makes me feel all fuzzy and warm to know they remember, and must have good memories of our times together in class to greet me with such apparent pleasure, even more than a decade after they’ve graduated from university.

so i can’t understand why my teaching experience here in germany has been… galling. exasperating, even. maybe because the students were at least 5, some even 10, years older than my students in pinas? does age explain the arrogance, the feeling that they already know enough and thus need no longer study? why do they constantly have to be convinced that they’re in class to learn stuff, and not because i want to make their lives miserable? or is it because education here costs so little? is the value of education equivalent to the amount of money one pays for it? is it maybe cultural, that teachers in the philippines are accorded more respect and are highly regarded by their students and the society?

ah, maybe i’m just getting old. or tired. at any rate, i really don’t have the time nor energy anymore to waste teaching people who don’t want to learn. the school bell has rung. class dismissed.

i’m usually not the type to jump the gun, or count the chicks, or get ahead of myself, or, or… well, you know what i mean. i hate pre-empting things fearing that they might not pan out the way i imagine them, so even when we have plans hatching (ok, ok, that’s the last idiom i’m gonna use in this post!), i tend to stay mum about it until things are more concrete.

but i’m just way too excited about this. i first alluded to the notion almost three years ago in this blog, then still hosted by upsaid. i mentioned it again in 2005, still uncertain, and in 2006, considering some turn of events, we almost completely trashed the idea.

this year, almost about the same time the idea sprang three years ago, it just might reach realization. hubby arrived last night from his job interview, bringing these valentine’s gifts:

click image to see notes

to cap the night, when he checked his email, we found he has been offered the job. so, if the package is right…

my mind is in such a turmoil, i can’t sit still and finish anything. i write two sentences, and decide i have to do the ironing… right now. so i go and fetch hangers, and see that the laundry box is full. so i decide to run the wash, but think that well, i can brew some coffee first, so it runs while i do the rest, right? half an hour later, i’m back in front of my pc, realize that i’ve accomplished none of the above, so i go all over it again. maybe i’m going schizo.

the worst part is, jan is taking some of the brunt. i get impatient with myself, and my nerves are frayed. jan is his usual precocious self, but my temper is at its shortest, so i end up snapping and yelling over things where i would normally simply sigh-and-bear. it doesn’t help that we’re home alone the past few days while dad is off chartering our destiny, and there’s no one else to prevent jan and i from reaching each other’s throats (figuratively speaking, of course).

but oh, the guilt. the shame washing over me each time i realize what a witch i’m being to a four year old. there’s no excuse. the truth is, i’m simply not the nurturing, loving mother you see on tv sitcoms, preparing home made minced pies, miraculously able to diffuse a tantrum with coos and soothing rhymes. i yell, i lose temper over a child’s antics, and i don’t always have the time or inclination to read a story each and every night during bedtime.

so there, cast a stone. i’m sore from the ones i’ve hurled at myself, it won’t make a difference anymore.

if there’s one thing that always gets jan in trouble (with us, his parents, mostly), it’s his unbridled curiosity. on the last record on the progress report from his kinderkrippe (a daycare for 1-3 year olds), his teacher wrote that he asks about all possible, as well as impossible, questions. well, one year onwards, that hasn’t changed. his questions just got more complicated.

right now, he’s wanting to learn what everything is made of. what’s your pull-over made of, mama? the table? the bathtub? what is ceramic, papa? look, my magnet sticks to the leg of the chair; it must be made of metal.

last week, for a few days, we had some snowfall and seeing the left over ice on the ground, he asked, what’s ice made of, mama? water, i said. frozen water. was he satisfied with the answer? apparently not.

so a couple of days ago, as mama was busy on the phone, jan got busy in the kitchen, too. at less than four and a half years old, jan planned and conducted his first experiment employing the scientific method. on his own.

he set out to find out if water does turn into ice when frozen. in addition, he wanted to find out if bits of bread (don’t ask me for the rationale!) will hasten the freezing process.

he placed two cups of water, both with bread bits, inside the freezer and checked every so often to see which cup froze first. after 15 minutes, he was finally satisfied that water indeed turns into ice.

obviously, his experimental design was flawed, and he can’t derive any conclusions on the effect of bread bits on the freezing rate. but hey, he’s not even four and a half; he has ample time to learn the need for control set-ups, hehe…

i mean, really, how old were you when you made designed your own science experiment? i must have been in fourth or fifth grade.

years from now, i’m gonna look back at february 2007 and will remember it one of the significant chapters of this journal.

if january has been ominous, it seems like this month will be a month of resolution. it’s going to be pivotal, a turning point, a time to choose which fork of the road to follow. it’s not going to be easy, and the consequences will be grave.

success or failure.
happiness or grief.
life or death.

decisions will be made. as if the choices were really ours to make.