transposable element

reading tin’s success in using muffin pans to bake banana cakes reawakened my hankering for an oven. our kitchen here in our flat is not equipped with one (doesn’t seem to e a standard here, i was told) and i’ve been wanting one since… well, practically since we moved in. i used the oven a lot when we were in germany, not just for breads and cakes, but for other main dishes too. as lazy as i am, i love the way you can slide something in and just wait til it’s done. frees you up to do something else while dinner is getting cooked pretty much on its own.

oh well, when i start asking for recipes you’ll know i’ve crossed another one of my wishlist!

i’ve blogged about it more than a dozen times. and now, finally, i’ve gotten my new toy, at 30% off the usual price. that’s 200 dollars saved!

the berks are doing another round of posts, each member answering the so-called proust questionnaire. i hope i can find the time to answer the whole lot myself, but let me start with this one: what is your greatest fear?

like many, i fear death. not as much as my own, but of the people i love, the people around me. whatever will i do without my husband? will the sun shine as bright without jan? and mia– i get nightmares just thinking about SIDS and other accidents that may befall such a vulnerable infant.

the logical side of me says death is as natural as life itself. it’s inevitable. it happens to everyone, it’s just the manner in which it happens that varies. if one’s lucky, you can prepare for it to a certain extent. compare life insurance quotes and get it all sorted out. a memorial plan and a will makes it easier for those left behind to deal with financial issues, too.

but what about the emotional loss? could you help others to cope with the grief of losing you? i suppose there’s only one thing you can do to make death easier to accept: live life meaningfully.

i’ve nothing to wear. isn’t that the classic complaint you hear from all women? i rarely say it myself (my husband will probably disagree), but this time i mean it. i can’t possibly wear my maternity clothes and my pre-pregnancy stuff still seems to belong to a person whose figure i can’t believe was once mine. arrrgh. as long as i stay home, i’m fine. i can run around in my stretchy tanks which are most convenient for nursing anyway, but if i have to get out, that’s when i run into a block. damn these hips, what the heck am i gonna wear?

trivia: according to this country’s laws against “nudity visible to the public eye”, it is a public offense to walk around naked, even in your own home. i wonder how they monitor that– do they have ademco cameras installed everywhere?

all these talk about passports and travel makes the sols of my feet itch. and the knowledge that i can’t, not until mia is a bit tougher, make the longing to go places all the more acute.

strange, but now that we’re in asia, am longing to see europe again. i guess i’ve not yet had enough of it after all. i know jan wouldn’t mind going to mallorca again. our vacation two years ago really made an impression on him, he still talks about it til today. and i don’t mind spending a summer week in prerow, probably germany’s equivalent to north carolina’s Outer Banks. yes, the water’s going to be cold, and the gusts of wind from the north sea will make my skin tingle. but considering the permanent sauna-weather we’ve been having here, i’m craving for a long walk on a long beach, letting gusts of crisp, cold wind tousle my hair, shivering a little, making a nice hot cup of coffee and a piece of cake in the afternoon all the more delectable.

ahh… why do we always long for what we don’t have?

i think i was 24 when i got a passport and only because i needed to travel abroad for work. during that time, there were no budget airlines, and airfares are prohibitively expensive such that to travel abroad for holidays was something only rich people did. never in my wildest dreams did i imagine that i would be traveling this much in my lifetime.

my children, though, by virtue of having relatives on opposite sides of the world, are destined to be voyagers from the start. jan was about 8 or 9 months when he got his passport and in the last five years, has probably clocked in more air miles than the average adult. and mia? she now has a passport, too, at the age of 3 weeks! no, no plans of traveling this early, but it’s a requirement for her residence permit here in singapore.

although both jan and mia are also pinoys by descent (jan was registered at the philippine embassy, then in bonn, and mia will be registered here in singapore as soon as i figure out how to prepare her footprint), they only have german passports. well, it’s the pragmatic choice, for travel convenience reasons, but recently, we were told that by law, they should be using a philippine passport when they enter the philippines. strange, as jan has always used his german one to enter the philippines and we never encountered problems at the immigration. and i am sure we aren’t the only ones. i can’t imagine american-born and thus american-passport holding pinoy kids use philippine passports to enter pinas, if they even have one at all!

how old were you when you got your passport? if you have a pinoy passport, what’s the color of your passport– brown, green, or black?

i went for a post-natal check a few days ago, and everything was pronounced well by the doc. except for an elevated blood pressure. which was pretty weird, because all through out the pregnancy, i never had problems with my bp, and it’s pretty ironic that it starts just when the baby’s already out. i wrote it off to lack of sleep.

the truth is, i can’t say i really lack sleep. so far, mia’s being an angel during nighttime (it’s a different story during daytime, though). but since mid last week, jan’s kindergarten has been closed due to an outbreak of hand, foot and mouth disease, an illness that seems to have reached epidemic levels in china and singapore. so jan is forced to stay home and the poor guy is simply bored to death. the first day was a riot here at home, but so far, we’re coping well. hubby adjusted his work schedule and jan has continuously surprised me with his creativity and maturity. he would happily watch tv the whole day, sure, but when forced to turn it off, he’d come up with amazingly creative ways to keep himself busy.

but the stress! another week of this to go. let’s see how stress resistant i am. maybe i should start reading up on beta blockers. or looking for best acne treatment options.

how about you? how does your body react to stress?

the brochure i received from the hospital says it’s time to head to the hospital when you experience these signs:

• regular contractions occuring every 5-15 minutes
• “bloody show”
• waterbag has ruptured

well, i’m having none of the last two, though i think i’m having mild contractions. after five years, i can’t exactly remember how contractions are supposed to feel! is it time to call a cab to the hospital? hm, i guess as long as i can still blog in between contractions, not yet.

abangan. in the meantime, i guess i should use the time to make some last minute preps and packing, charge the camera batteries and free up some ram to make space for baby pics

the last few days, i find myself pausing at every little twitch and tension i feel, gauging whether the time to head to the hospital has finally come. yesterday, i visited a friend who gave birth a couple of days ago and the anticipation became even more accute. last night, i actually thought we wouldn’t make it through the night. but alas, here i am, still at home, still blogging, waiting for the contractions to come.

ah, to wait! during my last OB check up, the doc gave the baby the green light to come anytime. head is engaged, and the clinical laboratory services returned negative results for strep infections, and best of all, the baby’s head has moved from its occiput posterior (OP) position to face down, towards my spine. with my firstborn, jan, i had what is called back labor, with his head pushing against my spine, causing extreme pressure on my back at every contraction. when i found out this second baby was on the same position, i started to think there was something morphologically wrong with my uterus! but it seems there is a chance i’m going to be spared a back labor this time, although no one can tell as changes in position can still occur at the last minute.

oh well, it’s futile worrying about the D-day anyway. que sera, sera. i just wish i don’t have to wait long anymore. it’s getting me all the more antsy.

barely two weeks to go and i can’t wait.

to get into normal clothes, that is. when you’ve been wearing the same set of clothes over and over for months on end because you really don’t want to buy something that you won’t ever wear again after you give birth, well, it can get pretty boring. i know it will still take some time til i fit into my old clothes again (if at all), and i probably would be wearing nursing tops anyway instead of “real” clothes for the next few months. but it would be nice to get a pair (or a couple) of more stylish shoes. Naots are practical and comfy, but geez, i’ve been a practical-and-comfy shopper all my life, i think i’d like to have something more stylish as soon as i no longer have this heavy bump putting me off balance. nah, doesn’t have to be blahniks or jimmy choos.

maybe…. crocs, haha!